This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
