and she was petting her beer can
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
