Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Randomize
