the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
