hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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