Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
