by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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