Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
