I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
