I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize