New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
