She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
