My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
