My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
