it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
