he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
