you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
