Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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