WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
