writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
