I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize