if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
