remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
