my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
