I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
