it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
