I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
