I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
