can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
