Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize