If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
