Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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