Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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