then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
