I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
