How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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