Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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