Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
