thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize