Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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