Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
