if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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