White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
