haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
