That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
