We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
