yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize