I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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