Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
