I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
