This is not my ceiling
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
this will be a night to untag.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
