if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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