We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
