i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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