Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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