She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
