i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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