Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
