The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
