is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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