God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
