We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
