I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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