well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
