I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
