his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Found the puke drawer
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
