i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
