I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
