I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
