I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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