I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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