guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
