Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
