Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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