whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
