my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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