her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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