You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
