i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
